#Mollis and the myths behind bad sex and rape culture

Despite the fact that the unidentified woman in the audio clip sounded like she was being raped by Mollis, the male reaction on Twitter could be summed up thus: the guy has his sex game on lock and was giving the woman a good time. The comments that followed ranged from photos of vaginas on fire (because right, Mollis set her genitals ablaze) to speculations that other women will be lining up to get a taste of the black thunder that is the Mighty #Mollis.

The #Mollis incident, and many like it, cause one to think: why is it that men (and some women) still have these very strange ideas about sex and why has no one stopped for a second to squash them? Especially when these ideas do nothing but perpetuate rape culture and awful sex for women.

I have had many nights of pure, unadulterated passion, nights where I am unable to properly function the next day as my body is trying to reboot and my mind can’t stop wandering. I have also had incidents in which my ‘no’ was ignored, even when repeated multiple times, like the woman in the #Mollis clip. Even in a world where there is so much information about pleasure, literally a click away, a large number of men still think a good night is just pounding away at the pussy – even without consent.

Photo: BBC News

Here are just some of the problematic ideas about sex and female pleasure which showed up in the #Mollis tweets.

• Having a ‘third leg’ means you are good at sex: Men (and some women) often spread the idea that all you have to do to become an accomplished lover is to shove a huge penis inside a woman. That’s it, nothing else. The problem with this notion is twofold: firstly the average vaginal canal is 3-4 inches deep. It elongates when a woman is aroused and the cervix, the neck of the uterus, will lift up and out of the way giving more space. This means that if you are hitting her cervix then you have not aroused her enough to make the biological bits function properly. After a certain point, all you are doing is shelling out pain. Secondly, this idea of sexual prowess completely ignores the clitoris which is purely made for pleasure. Some men still believe that nonsense that if a woman has been properly satisfied she won’t be able to walk properly the next day. If she’s not able to walk the next day it means you did little right and you most definitely did a lot wrong. This is basic science. If she likes what you are doing then her vagina will tell you. Her body will tell you. If she’s just in pain then you clearly have very little idea about the craft of sex.
• A painful vagina means you have done the work: as shown by the #Mollis tweets, the idea of ‘destroying that vagina’ is alarmingly widespread. Somehow ‘smashing that pussy’ means you have shown your prowess as a lover. In one of the memes that was wildly shared it suggested #Mollis had set the woman’s vagina ‘on fire’. Nobody stopped to think that if a woman’s vagina is on fire then there is either an STD in play or she is dry, unaroused, and burning from the friction. Why do we still think that this is an enjoyable way for women to experience sex?
• Everything said in bed means ‘go harder,’ including no: in the #Mollis clip it is clear the woman does not want to have sex with the man in question. For some men this ‘no’ simply spurs them on. Conquering a no does not mean that you have conquered a woman sexually, it merely means you have conquered any fear you may have had of being a rapist. 

So #Mollis made us, again, have a think about how sex is being sold out there.

If you are a man who sees sex in these ways, you have been given something you are clearly not ready to use. Until you learn how to properly utilise your tools it may be best to practice alone or do some research. We, as women, are technically better built for pleasure, the clitoris being the only body part that exists purely for pleasure. Again, science is screaming at society that women’s pleasure is a real thing.

Yet despite there being all this information about female pleasure, the #Mollis tweets show that most men are still wildly ignorant about what counts as sexual prowess. Some problematic ideas linking female pleasure to subjugation and pain still abound. Phrases such as ‘smashing the pussy’, ‘setting the vagina on fire’ and ‘laying down the pipe,’ do nothing but perpetuate rape culture and bad sex for women.

Photo: Lip Magazine