Monied women poke men’s insecurities

A few years ago I watched a popular American stand-up comedian’s South African show on my laptop. One of the jokes that stood out for me was about what happens when a woman spends money on a man. The storyline of the joke was that with each withdrawal of cash, the woman’s purse/pocket automatically signalled her lady parts to dry up. The joke was a backhanded statement that men should be the ones with money to spend. More subtly, the comedian meant that the burden of being a monied woman extended to limited sexual intimacy.

Traditionally we know the man to be the provider, protector and head of the family. As fluid as gender roles are becoming in the modern world, a majority of people stubbornly abide by certain age-old principles. One of the most persistent beliefs is that the man brings home the bacon while the woman maintains the home. Practically speaking, however, it makes economic sense that both able-bodied and healthy-minded adults earn a living. We seem to be succeeding at making this the norm, yet both men and women still struggle with the idea of a woman making more money than her male partner.

As fluid as gender roles are becoming in the modern world, a majority of people stubbornly abide by certain age-old principles.

More money, more attitude

Who is the smarter, men or women? This debate has us in rivalry with each other from adolescence. It is what subconsciously drives most women to be career oriented and to prove their intelligence any chance they get. The problem is that a slaying career tends to come with a lonely life. Aside from her counterparts being intimidated by her, sometimes she herself is the repellent because she constantly feels the need to reinforce her mental and financial superiority. Such a woman emasculates her man by emphasising how worthless and dependent on her he is. She takes every opportunity presented to oppress her lover because she feels she has defied nature, seeing that she is with him merely out of desire and not necessity.

More money, more attitude? Photo: Pexels

It is not entirely her fault. From childhood, men and women are equally indoctrinated about their specific roles. Sexist messages that have been implanted in our psyches defy reality and basic understanding, resulting in a battle of egos. A man, feeling weak and a failure, exerts his physical superiority through his fists or stabbing words. He also consoles himself with how well he can lay the pipe, if not on his woman then on others willing to have him. A woman, feeling entitled and justified, nags and whines about her man not meeting society’s standards of manliness. She abandons her respect for him and sees nothing wrong with patronising him in front of friends and family, passing it off as a joke in case anyone takes offence. She might also cheat.

A financially fit woman is therefore seen as a menace to tame because control and power are maintained through financial muscle.

Fear and loathing in the eyes of other men

I spent a huge chunk of my childhood at my grandparent’s house as the only girl among my six boy cousins. My interactions with them taught me how males behave around each other; there was a sense of solidarity for sure, but it was paired with lots of competition. Not only did one have to be physically stronger but you also had to be wittier, sneakier, have more pocket money and be more charming than the rest. Based on this observation and on how the world values money, I can only imagine the strain on the self-esteem of some men who find themselves in relationships with women who have deeper pockets than they do. I have no idea what it means to be a man, but apparently it includes having control over a woman. A financially fit woman is therefore seen as a menace to tame because control and power are maintained through financial muscle.

Acquiring both love and money for financially secure women is getting harder and harder Photo: Incase/Flickr

To mask their own insecurities and avoid being the butt of their friend’s jokes, feeble men freely squander their women’s wealth out of spite. Such men are the loudest voices in the chorus of their women’s detractors. They feign authority in the home and become abusive by either being aggressive or acting like martyrs in the name of love. What is the aim of their manipulation? They want to inspire guilt so that their women feel indebted to them. Perhaps this way of thinking is the reason that girl-children were kept from attending school in the old days (a phenomenon that still exists in some parts of the world), or that women were not allowed to vote and have jobs, lest they become ambitious and explore their own mental strength.

What is the bottom line?

The fact is that men still earn considerably more than women do in Africa and throughout the world. That said, it was inevitable that women would begin earning higher incomes as more corporations diversify and jobs that used to be exclusively for men are made available to women too. More women are driven to get qualifications that challenge them and promise better opportunities for them in the future. They are also willing to give their careers priority over domestic responsibilities. What both men and women have to come to terms with is the fact that women are just as capable of being the core breadwinner these days. This adjustment comes with its own set of trials for both parties and requires that they be supportive, respectful and patient with each other.