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We stopped having sex because I was pregnant

Karan and Ritu stopped having sex when they found out they were pregnant. The parents-to-be, who had an active sex life, thought they might harm the baby if they made love. Here’s their story on how they lost and found intimacy with each other



Karan and Ritu have had a happy married life for five years. “Amongst our circle of friends and family, Karan and I are known as ‘the couple to be.’ And it’s pretty true. We love each other more and more each day and I couldn’t imagine having a better partner. We share every aspect of life and making love is one of the most important ways in which we express our feelings for one another,” says Ritu.

Pregnancy seemed like the ultimate celebration of their love. Nothing could bring them closer than having a baby together! Karan was prepared for everything, the midnight food cravings, the insane mood swings, doctor’s appointments – he felt he’d planned for all. They read up on every aspect of being pregnant, researched online, talked to friends and family.


Photo: Shutterstock

Photo: Shutterstock

But there was one drastic change – they stopped making love. Ritu had already gone through two miscarriages and the doctor termed this pregnancy as high-risk. This meant being extra careful with her diet, not being stressed and not exerting herself. The doctor also advised “refraining from sex till the first trimester was over. As a precaution it is also best to avoid anal sex or blowing air into the vagina during oral sex.”

“The first couple of weeks were easy when it came to not having sex. Besides being scared, we were so excited about getting pregnant and planning for the baby that making love had taken a backseat. But as the feeling of being pregnant settled in, we began missing each other and soon an irritation set in.



“We spent so much energy trying not to get turned on that we ended up thinking about it all the time. Even when the doctor said it was fine for us to have ‘gentle sex’ we just didn’t dare. I mean the baby bump was visible now. And even though I knew it wasn’t possible I kept imagining that my penis could touch our baby’s head or something!” shares Karan.

“We tried making out, just kissing and fondling, but as soon as we’d get into the groove, Karan would get a hard on and then he’d go to the bathroom to masturbate. So I’d feel unsatisfied and I know Karan felt bad too. It got so uncomfortable that we’d switch off the TV if there were a steamy scene on screen.

“Something we enjoyed so much suddenly became difficult to talk about. We were happy but this underlying frustration of not making love was making us drift apart. No more naughty teasing, whispering sexually explicit scenarios into each other’s ears or post-sex cuddles!” says Ritu




Ritu shared her intimacy problems with her sister who advised, “Take it slow. Start with giving him oral sex and he can pleasure you by using his hands and fingers. Plan how you’ll pleasure each other once the baby comes. Go out on dates, cuddle in bed, essentially do things you might not get time for once the baby arrives.”

Karan confides, “We took her advice and ran with it. Pleasuring each other was safe and satisfying and after a few weeks we were confident enough to make love, gentle and slow. It was amazing! Instead of rushing through and being wild we were feeling and enjoying every movement. It was one of our best sexual experiences ever and all the problems of the last few months just melted away. We were back to being our old selves. And now I joke with Ritu that she should stay pregnant for longer!

This article first appeared in Kenya’s Love Matters. It has been republished here with their permission.