Female beauty for sexual consumption

‘A woman must know her place and if she steps out of line you have to smack her with the D!’ Hands up if you’ve heard that one before. I know I have. This – usually presented as a harmless joke by males of varied social backgrounds – is often followed by a whipping motion that suggests the male penis as a tool for exerting discipline. The primary targets of such obnoxious language are often sisters with sass or lesbian and transsexual women, but it applies to anyone with a vagina who resists a man’s advances. Most men are fixated on the conviction that their masculinities are concentrated in the size, usage and general existence of their wieners. Should a woman dare to challenge that conviction it will be imposed upon her by any means necessary, including rape.

Sexual dominance is normal

While women are forced to deal with wolf-whistles, cat-calling, and all kinds of fuckery, the society we live in is engineered to perpetuate male privilege. Abhorrent male behaviour is quickly dismissed or defended with the ever irritating justifications: “boys will be boys” and “it’s a man’s world”. Brute males feel justified to exact their sexual urges on females instead of activating awareness toward respecting each other’s bodies and personal spaces as human beings. Humanity has deteriorated to the point where women have to put up with explicit and implicit sexual-abuse daily because our phallocentric world has normalised it.

It’s no surprise, then, that rape culture continues to flourish. When one comes across a headline that reads ‘two sisters to be raped as punishment’ it may comes as a shock to some but it is hardly surprising nowadays. The authority figures who pass these judgements are men, as are the law enforcement officers who deter women who summon the bravery to report sexual abuse.

Photo: Tatyana Fazlalizadeh

Beauty should not be a curse

Recently, a 17 year old girl disclosed before a crowd at a poetry session I attended in Maseru that she had been sexually violated. Upon running into her attacker that week she decided to confront him and ask him what had motivated his actions. My heart sank as she spoke about the ordeal but I secretly applauded her courage. Eyes coated with tears begging to burst, she said his response was: “because you are beautiful”! Was she supposed to have accepted that slap-in-the-face as a compliment, smiled and thanked him for it?

Her story forced me to recount the times I wished I was not perceived as beautiful thanks to the pain it caused me. I recalled my own experience of hiding behind long skirts and turbans, or dressing like a tomboy to avoid attention but attracting it anyway. I lamented the realisation that regardless how close I am to any man I always have my guard up because of painful past experiences with men I surrendered my trust to. That is no way to live. The alarming rate at which women all over the continent and globally can relate to these stories because they have endured similar encounters is unacceptable.

Photo:Tatyana Fazlalizadeh

A new language of male accountability

More than simply preaching the how-not-to-get-raped gospel to women, African society needs new language which drives male accountability and undoes destructive attitudes towards women. Offensive behaviours should no longer be excused as jokes or normal; at some point boys need to stop being boys. It is not fair for women to go about life oppressed by the constant fear that if we do not willingly stroke a man’s ego we might pay for it with our bodies and get ridiculed when we speak out. A woman, whether she is straight, lesbian or transsexual, loud-mouthed or apprehensive, rich or poor, does not deserve to be violently broken by a fellow human being. And that’s no joke. It’s something that should be taken seriously.

Photo:Tatyana Fazlalizadeh